oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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