I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
