My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
