I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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