im drinking this country out of the recession.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
