"it" just moved
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
