And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
