i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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