my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
