the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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