the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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