I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
