Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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