just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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