Betty ford says i'm here all night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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