There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am one with the molecules
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
