i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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