can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No I am not eating basil off your cock
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
