I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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