I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
