i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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