Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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