weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
