You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The air was thick with penises
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
