when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
