I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
