just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
