if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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