It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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