happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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