I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
