you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
