You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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