if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
