Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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