She's JV to your varsity
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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