is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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