Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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