She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize