Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
