Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
