i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
