I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
