He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
