I heard we made out
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
