Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
