apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
