No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
