If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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