What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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