Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
