forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize