chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
