I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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