the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
