Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I cut my penus on the lid.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
