I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
