so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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