I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
