This is not my ceiling
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
