Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
