She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
