I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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