I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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