Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
