So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
