I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
