you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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