Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
