dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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