I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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